Is it me?

I lie on the grass, the prickly feeling all over my body

I bask in the glory of the sun, even though I’m sweating profusely

I twist and turn to lie face down on the grass

After a few seconds, I change my position again

Is this restlessness?

I open my texts, there are none

No texts that asks me “how are you”

No calls, because I guess I’ve managed to push everyone away

I irk at the thought of being alone

Is this loneliness?

I open my book and start to read the first line

“The reason for a happy life”

I shut it close

Happy life, I don’t think it exists, not for me at least

Is this even life?

I wake up with a new energy

I know what I want to do

I’m excited to start my day

At 10, I wonder what’s the point when I know I’ll fail eventually

Is this fear?

I used to be a people-person

I set out my goals early in life

Now, I can’t even get up from my bed before crying

Now, I can’t even find meaning in the small things

Is this even me?

–anothergirlwithfantasies